One Weekend, Two Days, Three Challenges

To prepare for the transition to PHP I've decided to get really down-and-dirty with recovery this weekend. I've undertaken three big challenges: 1.) I will not stretch in the morning- Although stretching does not burn calories like doing push-ups would, it is still something that I've routinezed to the point of becoming a "rule," something that I feel the urge to do and therefore lack some control over. My therapist and I agree that if I can get over the urge to stretch in the morning, it proves that I deserve to be allowed to stretch as a form of meditation in later days. Stretching as meditation, to get centered with my body, is something that fulfills my goals in treatment. So I've got to prove to myself, my therapist and my eating disorder that I don't "have" to do it. 2.) A coffee date with another patient- Today I am going to St. Mark's Cafe with another girl here. I feel great about it. Yesterday I sat down with that jerk, ED, and wrote a little letter. First, I wrote the letter from him to me, that told me about all the horrible ways he was going to try to stress me out and ruin my trip. He said he was going to make me try to burn extra calories and order a "light" chai and stress about every little thing. I, Emily-in-Recovery, wrote a letter back to him, letting him know that I was going to walk nice and slow, enjoy the conversation with my friend, and sip that soy chai like it was nobody's (especially ED's) business. I showed him! 3.) A lunch date to Thai Basil- tomorrow I am going to lunch with a very good friend of mine from treatment. One thing I've rarely let myself eat in the last year has been ethnic food. It's funny, because I have restricted all the things that I really like. I can't wait to get a little spice in my life but am considerably anxious. Going out to eat and trying new foods used to be one of my favorite things to do, but over the last year doing it had to be such a special occasion. It felt like an indulgence, and if I didn't find it satisfying enough or couldn't categorize it's calories/ fat I felt extremely let down. This time, I asked my dietitian to give me three options that work. Before I would have gotten online, analyzed the menu, and spent the whole time at lunch doubting my choice. This time, when I get there I'll decide, and know that it's what my body needs and tongue loves. I also will remind myself that I don't have to "deserve," either because of a workout or celebration, a fun, different meal. So, that's my weekend. It's full of challenges and fun and I already feel better about it talking to you. In reality, this just the type of weekend healthy Emily, or anyone without an eating disorder, would have. I'm living my weekends again, one day at a time! By the way, Not-Stretching-in-the-Shower Challenge, Day 1= CHECK.