A Values Lesson

The fundamental paradigm behind my treatment program is the belief that it is not enough simply to move away from our eating disorders; we must have something to move toward, something that will guide us in the right direction when our disorder threatens to control our lives again. We are taught that our values provide the road-map to help us navigate decisions and difficult situations. To hone in on what's important we are given a list of the areas of life values but some people. Not everyone shares the same values, but most people espouse at least a few of these. I have rewritten the list and some of the questions here.

As you go through this list, think about concrete goals versus life direction. For instance, a concrete goal would be education; a life direction would be attending DU. Number each section and separate them from one another; you probably won't have goals in one or more sections, which is fine. Do not answer these questions based on what you could realistically get, or what you think you deserve. Answer them based on what you care about, what you would want to work toward, in the best of all situations.

1.) Marriage/couples/intimate relations: What type of person would you like to be in an intimate relationship? What type of relationship would you like to have? What is your role in the relationship?
2.) Family relations: What type of son/daughter/brother/sister do you want to be? What qualities do you want to have in the relationships? How would you treat the other people in an ideal relationship?
3.) Friendship/social relations: What does it mean to be a good friend? What is the ideal friendship?
4.) Career/employment: What type of work would you like to do? Why does this appeal to you? What kind of worker would you be, and what do your work relations look like?
5.) Parenting: What type of father/mother do you want to be? How would you treat your child in that relationship?
6.)Education/personal growth and development: If you would like to pursue an education, formally or informally, or some specialized training, what would it be? Why does this appeal to you?
7.)Recreation/leisure: What type of recreational life would you like to have, including hobbies, sports and leisure activities?
8.)Spirituality: This does not necessarily refer to religion; it refers to whatever spirituality means to you. What do you want your spiritual self to look like? What do you want your spirituality to encompass?
9.)Citizenship: What direction would you like community-oriented activities to take? Why does this appeal to you?
10.)Health/Physical well-being: What are your values related to maintaining your physical well-being?

Throughout our lives our focus on specific values will probably shift. Right now, I have zero goals in the realm of parenting. It's when one's values cease to play a role in their everyday life that behaviors must change. In my ED, I completely lost my spirituality and my ability to partake in recreational/leisure activities. That related closely to friendship- how was I supposed to spend time with friends if I wasn't willing to spend time outside of work and exercise? Even when I was with friends I was never really there. In treatment I am focusing on learning how to be social again, how to connect with myself and the world around me in a spiritual way, how to enjoy free time, and how to temper my desire for education and career success with the rest of my personal aspirations. With the support of my family, another important value, this doesn't seem like too big a task...today...

I hope this provides a little insight on what the heck I'm talking about when I hark on my "values," and maybe can provide a little guidance for your life, as well. Feel free to e-mail with questions! Recess time!