Friday, June 17, 2011
"Petty"
This is Petty (Tom). Not me.
I just received a message from an old friend, and they used the term "petty" to describe the life I once had. "Petty" is a word I understand. It has to do with middle-school bullying, or uselessness, or being undeservedly and self-assuredly lavish. It's ignorance and narcissism and choice maliciousness. In dictionary.com it's listed as:
1. of little or no importance or consequence: petty grievances.
2. of lesser or secondary importance, merit, etc.; minor: petty considerations.
3. having or showing narrow ideas, interests, etc.: petty minds.
4. mean or ungenerous in small or trifling things: a petty person.
5. showing or caused by meanness of spirit: a petty revenge.
6. of secondary rank, especially in relation to others of the same class or kind: petty states; a petty tyrant.
In treatment we work on setting some boundaries, so I'd like to use this space to create a feudal little fence around myself. Because I am the boss of this land.
1. My life, however disordered it was, is of a lot of importance and consequence; it was grievous, yes, but not petty.
2. What's second to my life? What is worth less merit than living, mistakes, regrets, and failures included?
3. It is only on this point that I agree, but if being too focused or too driven is petty, then I can think of many, many respectable people who may also fall under this categorization.
4. I was self-involved, this is true, but it was not of a genuine disinterest in those around me. In fact, it came from being too interested, wanting too badly to please and to prove and to be part of everything and all things at once. Things only became trifling because I allowed them to consume me.
5. I have never, ever, felt intentionally mean-spirited toward another person. I am so grateful to be a member of this humanity.
6. I am number one. You are number one. We are all number one...We are all infinitely one.
Call me selfish. Call me warped. Call me lost or biased or brash or judgmental. But do not call me petty. And don't step on my land.
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