Something to be Proud of

A good friend of mine recommended that I find something to be proud of every single day. This actually isn't too hard when you have very low expectations. Like, eating the sample of sushi at Queen Soopers (yes, Queen Soopers in the ghetto gives out free sushi samples. And half of you are still sheltered in the burbs!). That was formerly an off-limits food, and I ate it in one gulp. Or the pizza we made last night- I invented a Thai shrimp Boboli that was to die for. And accompanied it with three glasses of wine.

What may seem like a typical night for most can be extremely difficult for people struggling with eating disorders, and last night is a great example. The extremes that are felt during a single moment like that are limitless: at one point, I was proud of myself for eating pizza and enjoying the moment, but as the night wore on the guilt set in, and then dessert happened, and then I started doing what they call "engaging in behavior:" I signed up for an early-morning workout class and planned how I could secretly get in as much possible activity during the day. I got irritable and anxious- practically chewed a whole pack of gum, for goodness sakes. And I just wanted everyone to shut up.

But guess what? I didn't go to the workout class (let's chalk this one up to willpower, not wine...)! And guess what? I'm going to go to Ethiopian food with my Professor today! And guess what? I'm going to stop worrying about this stupid stuff because it made last night less fun and makes this beautiful morning, with the sun coming in the windows and my coffee brewing, less valuable. And we all know that if there is anything in this world that deserves its due respect, it's the wonderfully legal drug known as coffee.

A note on lunch: I am going with the Professor who oversaw my Partners in Scholarship Research Project, A Case Study of the Colorado Refugee English as a Second Language Program. He's was so important to my work and an absolutely brilliant man, and this is our celebration of me having finished my project. I also presented the project to the CRESL school for the first time a few days ago. If they like it, they are considering using it in their curriculum, and it could end up at the desk of the Denver Commissioner for Refugees. I am so proud of the project and so honored to have worked with my Professor, the teachers at CRESL, and the refugees. If there's a place to give me a little perspective on my "issues," I think refugee programs are it! Too bad they're on Spring Break!

Thank you to everyone for your responses, both here and on e-mail. I cannot fathom how I became so lucky as to live in a world with you people. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm praying for and thinking about and love you, too! And I'm wishing you the very best morning: coffee (decaff black tea for Alison and green tea for Uncle Dave), maybe a little bit of quiet, and an honest day. Cheers!