All the Things I Thought I Knew

What is wrong with these people?! (Pun intended). Here I am, thinking I've got this whole treatment thing covered even in the first 24 hours, and they continue to surpirse me. Let's explore the little lessons so far. First of all, I may actually be addicted to gum and coffee. Before, I might have cited myself as a "connessuer" or "lover" of all things dark and hot or chewy and mint. Here, they let us have one cup of coffee in the morning and no gum. The very first thing I want after a meal is a piece of fresh, chewy Extra, Spearmint falvor, please. Instead, I realized a half hour after lunch that I had some panini crusted on the side of my mouth and onion breath to match. Embarrassed, I hid in my room, looking out the window to distract from my minty demise. I was pleased to note that I could practically see my parent's house from my bedroom window, but as I scanned the landscape, the gravity of my situation hit: I was directly across from the Starbucks and the Einstein's espresso bar across the street. "That's purgatory," my sister said. Must. Get. Better. If not for me, for all that coffee, just wasting away... Another thing I've learned is that I'm not so clever. Here I am, thinking that I'm going to wake up early in the morning for a little quiet time, sticking to my routine. In actuality, this place is a hive in the morning- everyone seems to have the same idea. Looks like I'm going to need to come up with a new routine! In continuation, I have learned that although I am completely inflexible right now, flexibility is something that treatment teaches and I seem to be picking up. They have a daily schedule mapped out for me, with corresponding times and personnel, but that schedule is subject to change. The clock is only as good as the half hour to each side, and to me this to be incredibly refreshing. I've already found myself saying things like, "take your time" and "when it happens, it happens." It feels so nice to be relaxed in this day. I think a lot of it has to do with the giving up to treatment. They choose my food, my classes, my meetings, my life. It's easy to be flexible within that sort of safety. I worry that when I leave here I might go back to my old controlling ways. Practice makes perfect, I guess? One lesson is long overdue: lo and behold, self-censureship is a good idea! As you may know, I don't have much problem talking (one of the questions my psychiatrist asked was, "Are you shy?" I chortled, and we skipped to the next page). Because I'm so dedicated to this process, I was rather upbeat the entire first day, cracking jokes with the other members and laughing a lot. But I found that there are some things that may be "funny" in the real world and not so funny in treatment. For instance, when I joked that I may "make a run for it to Einstein's," hahaha, and later found out that's exactly what Jane in '99 (names and years have been changed) did. Or when I asked the other girls if they needed my mom and dad to bring fresh supplies when they come to visit, "like nail polish, or cotton balls...a knife..." *Silence* Or when one of the patients says, "My mom sent me here because she doesn't like me" in what I felt was a sarcastic way, and I attempt the equally sarcastic response of "Really?!" and they look at me and say, "Really." Mothers know best? Finally, my insurance obviously doesn't know the reality of the situation that I'm in. Because this place rocks. We have our own masseuse and can get one massage a week. We have a bathtub with big jets (no bath salts or bubbles allowed, though) and this big spa that they call a "restroom." Our beds are comfortable, we get to do art, and the food is delicious: I get to choose my meals off of a menu of options like salmon and tofu sandwiches. And dessert is mandatory! I'm telling you, this whole "eating disorder" thing isn't so bad (this is one of those times when the black "CENSURED" label may be in accord). To summarize: caffeine works and fresh breath is a privelege; other people like to wake up early in the morning, too; flexibility can be learned, although it must be practiced; thinking before one speaks is a good idea in a place where emotions and sensitivty run high; and even the most difficult situations have a silver lining, or at least Omega-3 fatty acids and a nice massage chair! I'm off to my day. Every morning we have to get our vitals taken (heart rate, pulse, urine tested, etc). One of the requirements is a "jump test," when, in the nude, we have to do a jumping jack in front of our aides to make sure we're not hiding anything. All the women out there understand that a bra-less hop is no comfortable feat. I believe they do this for another purpose: to replace the coffee, provide a little oomph to our morning routine. At least that's how it feels to me! Gooooood mooooooorning! I love you all very much. I have phone access between 7 p.m. and 10 p.m.- feel free to send a message or call! I also have spuradic internet access throughout the day. Drink a cup and do a hop for me!