I noticed the sound of Jim, Dartington Cinema Manager, lifting his ladder up the wall. He fiddled with the speaker mounted there. I felt the plush red carpet beneath my feet. I opened my eyes wider, pretending like there was no light shining into them. I thought how nice this room looked, with row upon row of red chairs, soft wood and a consistent, other-worldly stillness. It was all peaceful.
This was not the most opportune moment to feel quietly at peace, though. I was mid-choke during my TEDx rehearsal speech. Just like the audience, I watched myself in reverie. How long could I stand here for, not moving, not making a sound? You could practically see the little secretary buzzing through the office in my head, yanking down her skirt and ignoring her wiggling ankles in their clickity high heels as she pulls documents out of file cabinets, tosses portfolios over her shoulder, shouting, “I’ll find it! I’m coming!” She did find my line, that brave little cranium administrative assistant. Like a scooter with a kick-start my pulse hit the skin on my wrists I inhaled suddenly and proudly shouted, “This was not Shawshank Redemption!”
Afterward, speaking Coach Danielle Krage insisted that I handled the choke well. Well, I had handled both chokes well… “The first time, you just froze completely,” she laughed. “The second time you look at us, smiled, and picked up much faster. If it happens on the day, just smile and laugh.” The idea that I might choke in the middle of a live TEDx speech made me wish for the ability to camouflage. Pop! I would replicate red carpet and the audience would think I was a magician, not a travel writer. The idea that I could find delight in choking did make me feel much better. I know how to make a fool of myself. I proffer that it may be one of my best skills!
After my speech concluded I sat with Olivia in the red chairs, sipping a smooth latte compliments of Jim and the Cinema Café team. We watched speakers like tall, dignified Caspar Walsh and bubbly, grinning Proud 2 Be twins Jon and Matt Price. My to-do list pouted like an angry toddler in the back of my mind. Every time someone else fascinating walked into the room, every time another speaker entered our red TED circle, I was mesmerized again. Watching the other speakers display nervousness and delight helped my own mental faculties, as well. I was exposed to and giggling with people who were like heroes to me; I had been following “the mushroom guys” on Twitter for ages!
I thought about Olivia and her husband, Stuart, the primary event organizers. THIS article explains how important the organizers’ role is. They set the tone by choosing speakers; market and select a willing audience; handle mountains of paperwork, application to post-production; and follow TED rules. I order Olivia a latte, sure she must need one despite her cool attitude. While I know nothing about the woman’s life outside TEDx, she knows everything about mine, even offering me advice on my building my personal brand and taking my critical analysis of TEDx Totnes to heart. I’m so lucky to be part of this, I sigh.
Walking away from the Barn, a light, sweet rain teasing the top of my shoulders, I recall the most poignant moment of my day. It was when I was standing off-stage, waiting for Olivia to introduce me. Even at rehearsals I felt the rush of performance, something that I hadn’t felt since High School theater. It’s like all energy goes from the toes to the top of the head, is zapped by the heavens, and the rushes back down through the body, where it ricochets from the depth of the world and circles again. For me, that moment is all positivism, all animal instincts. I’m going to rock this! I was born to perform! Tell the story with delight! And even though my body and mind buzz, my smile widens unintentionally, I have a moment where I think, “This is the difference between doing what you love and just working.”
TED has shown me how engrossing it is to say ‘yes’ to what delights you and working hard to achieve it. Love first, logistics later. It is pumping blood, cool strategy, early mornings, and random bursts of creativity. The truly delightful undertakings are never about oneself, but rather actions as a solution to the needs of others. People who speak at TED are people who find ways to be artistic in their promotion of a greater need, people who radiate grounded insistence in their cause. They are able to foresee the influence a speech might have. Connecting to each other is one of the most powerful ways we collectively generate the power to connect to our audience, strangers, and speak our truths. This is also why we have developed products in the first place, why we’ve started silly companies and why half of us are poor. We seek challenges that use our skills. We find delight.
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