Have You Heard?

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Love, Emily

Stelios Karouzakis

The Plymothian Chronicles: A Guiding Tour with Eliot Siegel

Eliot Siegel Photography: http://eliotsiegel.com/

Eliot Siegel, the photographer who happens to be my landlord, agrees to meet me on a very busy Saturday to guide me through his exhibit at the Theatre Royal Plymouth. We meet in the first-floor café, its doors open to the unseasonably warm air (17Celsius). He greets me with his usual light hug and kiss on the right cheek, a kindly gesture I’m accustomed to, albeit struggle to contextualize. Eliot was born in New York but has called Plymouth home for over 11 years, making him a member of the expat-local population annually dominant in this blue-collar port town. While we wait for the pastel-clad timefull* ladies in front of us to order brie-and vegetable soup (read: light-orange liquid cheese with green dots and transparent chunks), we ruminate on important things, like desiring American-style cake frosting. Eliot orders chocolate cake, symbolic of a true expat-local (the English love cake. But, a good English boy orders fruit cake whenever available). We carried our tray of cake, Cappuccino, pre-packed ham sandwich, and sparkling water to a table in the sun, past the ladies sipping soupy brie so slowly I check my watch. Eight hours until close, they should have enough time…

Over lunch, I ask Eliot about his life as an artist in Plymouth and the city’s prospectus. Knowing that I was a fellow art-loving expat-local, he provided candid responses. Eliot moved to Plymouth as a divorcee; his wife had the kids in nearby Cornwall. In fact, he only visited Plymouth for the first time on a lunch date, when he happened to notice an advertisement for “New-York style living” in scaffolding-clad building. Today, he spends the majority of time in that same Plymouth flat and the rest at a flat in London. My bum barely warms the café seat before Eliot states, “Plymouth is limited culturally.”

Me: “I always hear that, but when I walk home from the Royal Parade on weeknights, I don’t feel like a minority because everyone is a minority. All the people around me are talking in different accents and languages.”

Eliot: “I don’t mean that there aren’t many cultures here. There’s just not much to do culturally in the city. There are plenty of cultures.”

Me: “What’s a cultural thing to do?”

Eliot: “Art galleries. Currently, there’s only three art galleries in the city that I know of. Culture is access to art, film, and theatre. We do have SOME OF those things here. There’s the Drum Theatre, which is a fringe theatre that’s internationally recognized. I’ve seen one group from Belgium there probably four times; they’re just wonderful. Outside the theatre [Royal] there is the Plymouth Arts Centre for foreign film.”

Eliot begins speaking animatedly faster. He gestures toward the bored, brown, boxy 1970’s-era office building across the pedestrian walkway.

Eliot: “In fact, they recently renovated the Plymouth Arts Centre and it looks great. Except they’re talking about moving it to that hideous piece of Communist shit. Apparently Hilton bought the building and are going to give a floor to the Centre. We’ll see if that ever actually happens, though.”

Me: “Eliot, I am surprised to see you get so upset about something in Plymouth. I thought you were living here because you ‘have a reason to,’ but it seems like you’re dedicated to the city. Why?”

Eliot: “I feel like I’m part of the community at this point. I’m going to continue to live here. I care about the city and it getting better. Eleven years ago, I couldn’t say the P-word.”

Me: “Plymouth? Why not?”

Eliot: “It has a terrible national reputation. Plymouth is a Navy town. It used to be a beautiful city before World War II. Now, it’s not a beautiful place to be. It’s improving visually; it’s become more palatable.”

Me: “So if the city is becoming more beautiful and there are so many cultures here, why isn’t there a cultural community? It seems to me like it’s not the people’s fault. It’s just like, they’re not incited to imagine or engage. Do you think so?”

Eliot rolls his eyes and allows a low, rolling chuckle. He repeats himself for emphasis.

Eliot: “Well, it’s a Navy town. There’s a lot of apathy around cultural ideas. There’s a huge unseen art community with nowhere to go. I mean, there are 1,000’s of graduate art students in Plymouth who have nowhere to exhibit and have to try their luck in London. There are no photography galleries in Plymouth. They can’t stay in the beautiful Southwest. They have to try their hand in London, and there’s only 10 galleries there.”

Me: “How can we bridge the gap between culture and being culturally active?”

Eliot: “People are coming in from other parts of the country and the world. They want to live somewhere they enjoy. They want their Plymouth to be more special.”

As Eliot has three photo shoots this afternoon, we decide to dart out of the café, up the stairs, and to his exhibit. Our ambient music is the lightly clinking glassware from the second-floor Theatre Royal Restaurant. I view the photos and listen to his explanations, noticing something that surprises me. Me: “Why don’t you take any pictures of Plymouth?”

Eliot: “Plymouth isn’t an interesting place visually.”

Me: “I completely disagree! I see things here all the time that I think would make great pictures, especially along your grunge style. Have you seen the graffiti below the motorway by Sainsbury’s on the way to Plympton?” Eliot: “I guess I just never feel inspired to walk around Plymouth and explore.”

It’s as if someone drops a Discman in my brain. Here we are, listening to a great track about the merits of Plymouth, lamenting the apathy and lack of engagement, then the track skips a beat. Me: “Eliot! Are you serious? You’ve already written off Plymouth, just like everyone else! You won’t even give it a try.”

Ever the English stoic, Eliot laughs and changes topic. We finish his exhibit in good spirits and walk together down the Royal Parade. We elevate our volume to accommodate honking buses and screaming seagulls. Eliot hugs and kisses me; I thank him profusely for his willingness. As we turn to go, he shouts not to get sunburned. I shout back, “Go explore!” We both laugh.

The Plymothian Chronicles: Sweeties

Last weekend marked the annual broadcast of the Eurovision Song Contest (dubbed Eurovision). Since its inception in1956, Eurovision has become a venerable competition for the NEXT BIG STAR. Mathematically, Eurovision = (Bollywood) + (Europe). ABBA famously launched their career here. What’s odd is that this over-the-top, hyper-sanguine event is a cherished institution in one of the most reserved, caustic, and emotionally lethargic social groups: the British. One particular moment during this year’s Eurovision contest highlights a fascinating social element that seems to juxtapose British temperament: British obsession for sweet treats. I believe the British must maintain their saccharine diet to psychologically balance their cultural bitterness.

While waiting for telephone votes tally, the Danish host of this year’s Eurovision, Liza, surprised the French, Maltese, and British performers with their favourite foods. Liza good-naturedly quizzed the artists about their preferences before presenting their treats. The French and Maltese buoyed back, engaging in smiley and supportive verbal tennis. The French group even kissed Liza when she handed them bowls of Asian noodles. Then came the British performer, Molly, whose singular moniker mirrored her aloof attitude. Liza was visibly frustrated by Molly’s inability to respond except to shrug and mutter, “I guess.” The presenter eventually persuaded Molly to admit that she liked a certain cake shop. Liza then handed the singer one of the bakery’s special caramel concoctions. With a confused look on her face, Molly stretched a single hand out and barely squeaked, “Oh, wow, thanks…”

In the UK, cakes are more ubiquitous than coffee. For instance, a local museum café currently offers a special deal: buy a cake between 9AM and 11:30AM and receive a free coffee. There’s no chicken-or-egg argument here; it’s obvious which product comes first. It’s nearly impossible to enter a place of business without seeing a cardboard box of £1 charity sweets, be it a bar, clothier, or corporation. On the honour system, insert £1 and choose a baggie from the pile. While you can’t get green leafy lettuce at the Harvester Salad and Grill, you better believe those charity sweet containers are ALWAYS stocked.

What really spurned my sweetie-awareness is the copious amounts of half-eaten or unopened sweets littering the ground. I have never been to a place with so many sugary confections ditched along the side of the road. The UK is ostensibly so inundated with sweets that they can afford to take the treats for granted. Sick of your Lion Bar? Toss it to the ground and switch to Fruit Pastilles at the next Tesco.

On any given day you can watch the citizens of my town conversing on their daily errands. Many of them briefly pop into a shop to purchase a Yorkie bar or Bonaffe biscuit. They discuss the weather (“supposed to get bad this weekend”), the government (“complete mentalists”), their jobs (“I can’t be bothered to look for something else”), etcetera. It’s as they replace each salty word with a sugar-packed bite. Out goes sour; in goes sweet.

At first, I pitied the British for their chaffing ethos. Until I realized that this culture chooses and protects its conversational folkways. After watching many satirical jokes fly over my vapid American noggin, a friend kindly advised me to watch the British comedy, Peep Show. It’s a witty, dark, and irate sitcom that “perfectly explains British humour.” Despite my steadfast YouTube-ing of the series, I was still taken aback when recently talking to my flatmate about her relationship. She was annoyed by her boyfriend who kept apologizing for not spending time with her and doling out compliments like a 17-year-old after his first kiss. “See, when we broke up a while ago, it was because he never complimented me and we didn’t see each other a lot. Now, he keeps saying nice things and communicating! I can’t win!” I look at her wide-eyed. Doesn’t that mean you did win?

To an expat, the omnipresence of cakes and sweets in the British diet seems ironic. Upon further consideration, I am grateful for their national sweet-tooth. I think the sweeties provide a pleasant yin to the British yang. It’s their daily vitamin, the missing nutrient not produced naturally in their collective psyche. As my waistline will attest, the pursuit of cake is one British tradition I’ve gladly adopted. If a caramel cake is required for the average Brit to crack a smile on live television or a Curly Wurly for my flatmate to give her boyfriend a smack on the lips after dinner, then Long Live the Queen Victoria Sponge Cake!

Emily's Notes: A Poor Poet's Present (Happy Mother's Day)

Because you're my Mom
You always care about
The things I always care about.
Even if you really don't care
At all
(Except you DO really care about
What I REALLY do care about)

Caring this way
Is a specific skill
Only mom's have.

Mom, the thing is:
I really care about you.

So, in caring about me
You have learned about caring
About you.

And in caring about you,
I have learned about caring
About me.

Caring about me, caring about you.

Only you and I know
Why this is so true.

Why all of this means,
That I love you.

Photo courtesy of Sarah Casewit photography: www.sarahcasewit.com

The Plymouth Planner: Foundle (Or, The Brave Plymothian finds themselves in Oundle)

Overview: Every once in a while, the Brave Plymothian finds themselves in a county far away from Devon. This Plymouth Planner details one’s itinerary on such a day, taking you on a tour of the quirky town of Oundle, Northamptonshire.
Expected Cost: Around £13. This planner does not include transit costs, because it is a little odd for a Plymothian to Foundle (find themselves in Oundle). Therefore, on this Plan one can expect to pay £2 for postcards at the museum, £7 or so for lunch at the café, £.80 for sending their postcard(s), and around £4 for a local brew.
Solo Savvy?: This is an excellent adventure for the solo traveller. The museum guides are two jolly old men. Even if they made a move, you would have plenty of time to react.
Expected Duration: Two hours, depending on your question volume and the guides’ naptimes.
Requirements: Other than the actual nature of Foundle (finding oneself in Oundle), this Planner requires very little. As usual, rain jacket recommended.
The Plan: It’s suggested to begin one’s Toundle (Tour of Oundle) by walking in to the city from the outskirts. It is recommended to cross in via Oundle Wharf. Pause for a moment at the bridge. Across the river and hidden from view is the massive Roman archaeological dig that you will learn about later on your museum tour.
Walk into town via Station Road, past cute doorways that make Hobbits feel tall. You will meander to a group of imposing stone buildings on your right. If you Foundle on a weekday during the school term, you may see students in their long pin-striped culottes. This is the very modern school uniform for 1,100 students who attend Oundle School, of which only 250 are local. According to your (eventual) museum guides, Oundle School owns 45% of the land in Oundle. The school consistently places in top ranks for testing standards and is, according to one former biology teacher, “One of the best schools in the UK.” After passing Oundle School, round a corner into the main city centre. Market Place, the thoroughfare, is divided by a building erected in the center of the streets (the tree in the middle of the river). On the right are charity shops and banks; on the left are traditional sweet shops, grocers, and other store fronts. Pick your side and continue past. You will return to this location later.
The museum is located in the old courthouse at the end of Market Place. When you reach the fork in the road, cross the street and enter the museum on your left. Don’t worry if there is a sign on the door that says it’s closed; it’s probably open and a lady named Terry simply forgot to take down the sign.
The museum entrance is the first door on your left. If you’re lucky, two gentlemen named Keith and Ioan will be there. They are the museum guides. If it’s been a slow day, Ioan will probably exclaim, “We have a visitor? Wonderful!” The Brave Plymothian must ask for a personal tour led by Keith and colored by Ioan. The front room of the museum is the former courtroom. Keith will use the scaled version of the previous layout to explain how the room has changed. Before that he will explain that Oundle was first a trading hub for Romans, who had a massive Christian burial ground nearby (the famed archaeological dig you saw across the river). Ioan will pepper Keith’s explanations with descriptions of what the town was like 63 years ago. That’s when he moved there for a one-year Biology teaching gig at Oundle School that extended to his retirement. Be sure to ask Ioan his perspective on teaching Biology as the human genome was being discovered (“marvellous”). At some point, you may end up sprawled on the ground with Keith, examining the map of Oundle painted below your feet. You will be impressed by the technical details added to the museum, like interactive videos. Apparently, some members of the Museum Board are willing IT contributors.
But wait: there’s more! After touring the front room, Keith will bring you to the superb, fantastic, confounding, “Cabinets of Curiosities.” This is where local Oundle-ites donate their special collections for public viewing. Other than the prerequisite Elvis paraphernalia, there exists a collection of egg cups, teddy bears, impressive Victorian clothing, custom machinery, and more. Keith may look forlornly at the collections; you see, the owner of everything Elvis lives near Keith and keeps the good stuff at his house. Apparently, you can’t even trust the courthouse security these days…
When you can’t possibly handle any more stimulation, sign your name in the guestbook and buy a postcard or two at the desk. A £1 donation is sufficient. Wish the boys farewell and head back toward Beans Coffee Stop on New Street. You probably noticed the cheery exterior and big windows when you walked past earlier; it’s now on your left. Order a tuna salad (the greens and homemade dressing are excellent). Pull up a seat in the window and pen your postcards as you watch townspeople stroll by. When you’ve finished your meal and rested your tired noggin, exit Beans to the left. Next to the café is a little shop; at the back of the shop is the Post Office (you will see the red sign hanging above the shop entrance).
This is one of the best post offices in all of England. You will be called “sir” and “darling” from the moment you walk in. There will probably be two tellers who may argue for the honour to serve you. You will wonder how UK customer service was ever considered lacking. You will wish you had a million heavy, awkward, expensive packages to send, and may be tempted to purchase something ridiculous just to spend more time at the incredible institution.
Now that your long day of touring and errand-running is complete, it’s time for a brew. You’re going to the Ship Inn, a local pub where many a Coundle (Couple from Oundle) have met their soulmate. Exit the post office, go back toward the museum, and it’s through the well-labelled alleyway on your left. Order a beer from the local brwery, Nene Valley. If it’s sunny, pull up a seat outside in the courtyard; if it’s rainy, you will find plenty of friends at the dark bar. Pull out the “History of our Landscape” brochure picked up at the museum. It was written by Ioan himself. Read it just to make sure you didn’t miss any important details on today’s tour. See if you can taste the history of Oundle in the hops (or is that just the flavour or Roman bones from the local river…?)
That’s the end of this edition of the Plymouth Planner, Foundle! Stay tuned for next week’s Plan: Heavenly Hobbies.

The Plymothian Chronicles: Finding Marilyn's Swimsuit

To find Marilyn Monroe’s black swimsuit, you’ve got to navigate the bumpy cobblestone streets of the Barbican in the heart of Plymouth’s pier district. My suggested route meanders past the copper-hued front entrance to Drake Circus on the Charles Cross roundabout. The architect of this magnificent design is controversial for the careful placement of the flame-like façade behind the bombed ruins of Charles Church (victim of the Lutwaffe “Plymouth Blitz” that rocked the naval base in World War II). While the “flaming abbey” may bode sacrilege, one must remember that a vast majority of Plymouthians claim resolute atheism.
As you navigate through Drake Circus (built in 2006) you may wonder if the painted, brightly-hued goblins around you designate this a real circus rather than a modern shopping mall. Alas, these “goblins” are actually the hip Plymouth youth, window-shopping. Luckily, their profuse colognes likely encourage you to bumble out the nearest exit like a clown in a mini-car.
Exit Drake Circus through the Pavilions. Walk across the Royal Parade (a major thoroughfare; there’s no Prince Harry here, unfortunately) to pass the Guildhall on your left. This hall is now used as a meeting space and it’s worth a quick stop for two reasons. One, the moldy-but-detailed replica of Plymouth during its earliest years as a township. It’s most oddly located in a half-hidden location behind the main staircase. Someone must have placed it there for safekeeping…Second, the Main Hall upstairs. It’s dark wood interior with pointed frame accents and painted folkloric glass lie suspended in a “hold-your-breath” silence interspersed with honks from the street outside. You are actually here for the ceiling, worth craning your neck upwards for. Its edges are lined with a clay images depicting some warrior in various states of trial and success. This warrior is utterly naked and very well-endowed. Watching him lift a helpless lamb is shocking, hilarious, and maybe a little inspiring.
Leave the Guildhall and continue to The Hoe. Despite the content of the latter paragraph, The Hoe is not another sexual innuendo. Etymologically, “the hoe” means “highest point.” This is where the lookout stations for maritime Plymouth were built in 1670. Widen your stride to climb the smooth grass to the Lighthouse. Feel the greenish-blue water in the wind and hear a family laughing nearby. Watch the hulking marine ships float lazily in the protected sound. Look across the bay to Mt. Edgecumbe, where the mansion of Johnny Depp’s Alice in Wonderland was filmed. Follow the roads left the boatyard. You will come to a fork in the cobble-stone road: to your right is the infamous Capn’ Jaspers Burgers. Capn’ Jaspers is an outdoor burger shack, a day-time motorbike haven and late-night drunken snack stop. Look diagonally left to see a row of posh restaurant patios. Directly left is a smaller, winding street; turn there. You will see a white arch and a chalkboard sign exclaiming that four floors of vintage await.
Marilyn’s suit is in the ground-floor antique shop in front of you. The shop is owned by a man and his younger male assistants. Wear some lipstick, girls; they’re good-looking fellows who love antiques. Feign ignorance and ask them to show you Marilyn’s cabinet (on the left). The cupboard also contains a namesake bracelet, personal letters, and other memorabilia. Your strapping aid may explain that Plymouth was one of the first oceanic cities rebuilt after World War II. Many stars who normally haunted Brighton escaped instead to Plymouth. Marilyn’s suit is another testament to the culture of Plymouth, an ocean-front city full of peculiar discoveries for those willing to dive in.